Love Ten Commandments of III - Ten Commandments

Huang Weiren love the Ten Commandments ( c ): to establish a good of love relationship

The third commandment : To avoid fall in love the early , too to his past weak , privacy, the hearts of anxiety, all told each other.

in love Early , if one of them to be honest on the ground , of the past the worst thing , the hearts of anxiety, all spilling into each other's body, but whether the other party is not willing to listen, there are no mentally prepared. Apparently , such an honest performance, because in love before there should not be withheld , but in reality , this is a selfish expression. emotionally Too dependent on each other , be forced love to bring you happy , for your emotions and sense of security responsibility for such a long time down, not only will lose respect for each other , and sometimes lead to the other party can not stand to leave .

past Painful , when it can tell each other , there must be wisdom. Spoke too soon, the other side were you scared off . Too late , they will feel cheated . This is not certain rules. for each person The situation is different , exposure degree of not the same . When it comes to special case , it is best to consult guidance. usually Together they accept the pre-marriage counseling , it will be a good time , in a secure environment to these things all of communicate with out. Love to learn , but also need wisdom.

Whether their partners can have a secret , hidden life ?

In the husband-wife relationship , you can have some of the mystery inside. Husband and wife as two circles , and a lot of common ground. Intersection vary in over time the migration and variation . When the two under the pressure , the intersection where more. When the pressure is relatively hour or two to out to explore. Each person can have A certain percentage of a single of their own secret . But with each other trust the strengthening of , they can be more transparent , but can not be forced . Therefore , the best way is to establish a good love relationship. And transparent is this relationship the result of .


The fourth commandment : to understand the of love psychological dynamics

love Increasingly reluctant , love the fire more difficult to ignite .

ignited The fire need two important elements: to have love the fuel and oxygen.

1, of love the fuel : their own to maintain confidence in , let themselves into an interesting , attractive people.

2 , love oxygen : they need space

Love fear most is the beginning to always stick together. But after a period of time, one person into a "space suitors " , the other is the "intimate relationship Chaser . " When one intends to alienate when the Chaser will feel anxiety, feel psychosocial the love is not enough to go to attract space seekers the attention . This is a very natural phenomenon . Sometimes one chase too hard , the space the seeker will between end .

To maintain a successful love , it is necessary their own to maintain confidence in , to understand from the Department, have their own interest, each other there are considerate and respect . If the other party is not willing , will not to feel safe need , and blindly insist on the other side to meet me.

The fifth commandment : contact After , avoid self-centered , to maintain respect , do not force the other party do not want to do .

They inevitably there are differences, but on the other side to maintain respect, tolerance , kindness attitude. Do not block your lover's goals, try your best to meet his / her needs, look for win-win solution. unless the truth about , so as not to hinder each other to do what he loves to do. to work Communication and conflict resolution skills and seek a win-win approach, go and other meet his needs.

Huang Weiren love the Ten Commandments (f ): revere

To continue to maintain the mutual respect attitude of , not like many couples , as in the tokens of love , the began to disorder their own speak attitude and dress code .

Weiren love the Ten Commandments (g) : Character is more important than appearance
Spouse , the character ( loyalty , kindness, goodness ) than appearance is more important .

Young people are easily the other side of the external conditions attracted to , but in fact character , loyalty , kindness, goodness , than the appearance, how much , places more important . Marriage Can happiness, inner is the key.
Weiren love the Ten Commandments ( VIII): observe each other 's relationships
Do not just focus on the other side of their own how , but also observe each other 's relationships.

In exchange , we should continue to face up , do not by love carried away . Going to visit each other's family , to see with his parents how to get along , with his family how to get along ? relationships How do ? towards animals Attitude ? A person is not healthy relationships, with the future well-being is absolutely relevant. If only nice to you, is very real and dangerous.

When a person self-worth , self-esteem is weak , as long as people are nice , it is easy to sink into , there is no chance to see each other in the end is. So first find self-worth.

Huang Weiren love the Ten Commandments (IX ): to participate in premarital counseling

when the two discussed marriage After , looking counseling to do pre-marital to prepare .

Do psychological testing , let each other know family of origin the background of , with each other communication way of . In premarital counseling , with each other learning to communicate and see each other's differences.

For example, want to have kids ? To , when there ? Family distributed? both sides of the money Views on ? Of both parents Attitude ? To not send money home? to send How much ? If they before marriage have some consensus , then marriage can reduce many problems.

Marriage is equal to two each with an own blueprint to build a marriage house, it is a very difficult task. This is why pre-marital preparation is so important !

Huang Weiren love the Ten Commandments (x) : pre-marital anxiety

To understand some people have " pre-marital anxiety "response.

In the subconscious, obviously love each other, but on the other side there are some doubts. Many people marriage will want to explore whether the may have other options. For example, all of a sudden tell each other , said: " We are going to get married , but I always feel like the opportunity to begin with other people exchanges what , before decisions are not willing to marry you . "

This is a very common phenomenon . Then the other would panic. But please do not immediately become a chaser , desperately chase each other. In fact, this is a faith test of . Remember , love requires space when feel very anxious the time to go to counseling, to focus their growth on . Remember, a healthy self-confidence and personality maturity is attraction the source of . When the other party after a period of exploration of the process, but will willingly follow you forever. Think carefully about the only set foot on the red carpet , it's not a bad thing.

Conclusion : People not the Ten Commandments have do , but the more you do , in the future to eat bitter the less . May God bless each and every of love seeker .

of Dr. Huang Weiren current at Northwestern University School of Medicine clinical psychologist , was the students honored as "Dr. Love" ( Love Dr. ). American love Society of International Speaker . Been invited in the United States , Canada , Singapore, Malaysia, China, Hong Kong, Taiwan led to marriage, family and psychological workshops. in 2001 Malaysian government organized the first International Family Conference as the " most popular speakers . " And in October 2004 was invited the United Nations World Family Conference of keynote speaker . Dr Wong is in May 2002 should be the U.S. government invited to the White House audience with George W. Bush (Bush) president of the three Chinese leaders.